Interesting thoughts

My best friends in school were the ones I sat near due to alphabetized seating. If I had a different last name, I would have had different friends.
 
Being the father of a porn star has got to be like Russian roulette every time you open a porn site
 
Futurama is the only show where the highest rated episodes are the ones I least want to watch due to the feels.
 
"The Bachelor" is a show about a man dating multiple women at once that is primarily watched by women who hate men who date multiple women at once.
 
"The Netherlands" sounds more like the name of a fictional fantasy-novel country than a real place.
 
Drink driving offenders should have compulsory shame tags on their cars as a punishment and so everyone would know to be extra wary driving near them.
 
I wonder if any of the seafood I ate have crossed paths with each other in the ocean while they were alive.
 
Sponges are weird. They're artificial now, but in the past people would pluck animals out of the ocean and use them to wash dishes and stuff. That seems like something you'd do in the Flintstones.
 
I always avoid the 'Ad' links when Google searching, even when that is the link that I want.
 
When I want to have a document forever, I scan it into the computer. When my parents want to have a document forever, they print it out.
 
Not hiring someone because they've been unemployed is like not dating someone because they've been single.
 
When you procrastinate you're basically telling your future self, "Fuck you, you do it"
 
Telling someone: "why are you depressed, look at how great your life is." Is the same as saying, "What do you mean you have asthma, Look at all this air."
 
Being born wealthy is like getting an RPG video game with a preexisting save file that has already beaten the game and has all the best armor and weapons.
 
In the USA, it's 100x cheaper to take an Uber to the hospital instead of an ambulance.
 
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