Interesting thoughts

Giving a dog a stupid haircut isn't cruel. It only gets them more attention, which is what they love.
 
In the event of an apocalypse I would spend the first 20 minutes wondering why the internet doesn't work
 
I would rather spend 10 extra minutes driving on an empty road than be in traffic.
 
Phone numbers in movies should be real numbers that just play commercials for upcoming movies by the same studio
 
"I make $30,000 a year" sounds totally different than "I will sell you an hour of my life for $14".
 
If I were immortal, I would have to be extra careful not to get trapped somewhere with no way to get out.
 
"You can say that again!" and "You don't have to tell me twice!" are opposites but mean the same thing.
 
One of the biggest compliments a cook at home can get is "wow tastes like a restaurant"; one of the biggest compliments a restaurant chef can get is "wow tastes like home cooking".
 
When a famous person dies, does Wikipedia just click a 'dead' button which changes all the words "is" to "was"?
 
I swear I came up with 'the floor is lava' game but apparently so did everyone else.
 
Jumping in video games seems to be a necessary form of movement, yet in real life we rarely, if ever, jump on a daily basis
 
Growing up, everyone tells you to chase your dreams. Once you become an adult everyone tells you to be realistic.
 
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