unclebobee
New Member
- Messages
- 4
The parrot:
A man is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The man says aloud, 'Gosh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?'
The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.'
'Holy Moses,' the man replies. 'You actually understood and answered me!'
'I got every word,' says the parrot 'I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird ...'
'Oh yeah?' the man asks, 'Then answer this - how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?'
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my willy around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers.'
'Wow,' says the man. 'You really can understand and speak English can't you?'
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion.'
The man looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'
'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me 'cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the chap an offer!'
The man offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great friend, he understands everything, he sympathises, and he's insightful. The man is delighted.
One day the man comes home from work and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell you this
or not, but it's about your wife and the postman.'
'What are you talking about?' asks the man.
'When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie.'
'WHAT???' the man says incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'
'Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.
'NO!' he exclaims. 'And she let him?'
'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over...'
Then the frantic man screams, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'
'Damned if I know. I got an erection and fell off my perch!'
------------------------------------
UH OH!!!
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot..There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
'Why so little,' she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, 'Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.'
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, 'new house, new madam.'
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought 'that's really not so bad.'
When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, 'new house, new madam, new girls.'
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, 'hi Keith.'
A man is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The man says aloud, 'Gosh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?'
The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.'
'Holy Moses,' the man replies. 'You actually understood and answered me!'
'I got every word,' says the parrot 'I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird ...'
'Oh yeah?' the man asks, 'Then answer this - how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?'
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my willy around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers.'
'Wow,' says the man. 'You really can understand and speak English can't you?'
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion.'
The man looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'
'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me 'cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the chap an offer!'
The man offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great friend, he understands everything, he sympathises, and he's insightful. The man is delighted.
One day the man comes home from work and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell you this
or not, but it's about your wife and the postman.'
'What are you talking about?' asks the man.
'When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie.'
'WHAT???' the man says incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'
'Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.
'NO!' he exclaims. 'And she let him?'
'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over...'
Then the frantic man screams, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'
'Damned if I know. I got an erection and fell off my perch!'
------------------------------------
UH OH!!!
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot..There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
'Why so little,' she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, 'Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.'
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, 'new house, new madam.'
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought 'that's really not so bad.'
When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, 'new house, new madam, new girls.'
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, 'hi Keith.'
