Saving Private Brian

Mave

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This story I found on reddit was just too good not to share.

Saving Private Brian

I was in the military but we were stateside. There was a group of fellow buddies with me. This was the night we all learned what a Jager Bomb Shot was. We had round after round after round after round. The night went by extremely fast and my friend Brian decided he would drive myself and my roommate home to our off base appointment. We left the bar and it was not long before we were pulled over. Turns out that a sedan having 3, 21 year olds leaving a bar at 2 am, near a military base is suspicious. The police officer knew we were all drunk when he got to Brian’s car window and we all admitted to it. The police officer gave Brian a breathalyzer test which he promptly failed. The office handcuffed Brian and put him in the back of the police car. The officer then asked myself and the other passenger, who again was my roommate, if we would like to take a breath test and see if we were below the legal limit to drive Brian’s car to our apartment so that it would not be towed and therefore would save Brian the impound charges. We took our breath tests and promptly failed. This is when things begin to get weird.

The officer left us with Brian’s car with the car keys also. The officer drove off with Brian to take him to the local jail for booking. To this day I don’t know why he left us with Brian’s keys. From the time the officer pulled us over it had been approximately 20 minutes. My roommate and I had an, “oh so bright”, idea.

(Public Service Announcement: This is a good time to mention that this took place several years ago. At a time when DUI’s were only just beginning to become a serious offense and driving under the influence did not hold as serious a punishment as they do today. We were young and very stupid and I do not condone anyone driving under the influence of any mind altering substance. In fact, I am extremely happy that none of us hurt anyone that night and that I can talk about this obnoxiousness today. I do not take lightly the danger we put ourselves and others in that night.)

This idea was followed by several ideas that escalated very quickly. You see.... my roommate and I were Military Police Officers. We felt bad that we let our friend drive us home and he got into trouble. With an extreme lack of judgment and against all of our common sense we decided that we would drive Brian’s car back to our apartment. We didn’t have far to drive but this doesn’t excuse the absolute stupidity that we were acting upon.

At some point between the time we started driving Brian’s car and the time we arrived at our apartment, my roommate and I came up with a grand plan of how to get Brian out of jail. This was a multi staged plan and I will break it down: 1. Get Brian’s car back to our apartment. 2. Brush our teeth and put gum in. 3. Shave and get into our Military Police Uniforms. 4. Attach our guard belts to our waist so that we looked like we were on duty. 5. Call my precinct on base and inform the dispatch not to call the jail that Brian was at. (Every night my command would call every jail in the area to check for military members so that we could take custody of them) I knew who was working dispatch that night and that person just so happened to owe me a big favor. I made it clear that I would not explain why I was asking dispatch not to call this specific jail. Dispatch agreed not to call. 6. I called the jail Brian was at and told them that I was my command and that I was checking to see if any military members were in their jail. They stated “Yes” and stated Brian’s name. I asked if it would be okay if we come and take Brian into custody. They said “yes”. 7. Switch cars. Leave Brian’s car at our apartment and drive one of our own to the jail. 8. One last pep talk and walk out the door. We arrive at the jail and it’s around 4am and very quite, no other cars in the jail parking lot. We go to the jail entrance and ring a buzzer. A corrections officer speaks to us through an intercom system. I speak into the intercom while looking into a camera and I inform the corrections office that we are there to take custody of Brian. They said “okay”.

It took about 25 minutes before we heard anything further and as you could imagine we were scared out of our minds and it felt like an eternity! It felt like the exact fear you would feel if you were trying to break a friend out of jail! Then without warning a loud buzzer sound goes off. The large thick metal door in front of us slides open and on the other side we see two corrections officers.... and.... Brian in handcuffs. I’ve never personally see a ghost but at that moment I knew what a persons face would look like if they ever had seen one. Brian’s jaw dropped and his face went extremely flush, ghost white! I greeted the corrections officers and told them I will put my handcuffs on Brian so that they can have theirs back. Before doing so I turned Brian around and gave him a pat down. I swapped the handcuffs and.... that was it, I had Brian in custody!!!

My roommate and I thanked the corrections officers and we turn and walk away with our hearts beating out of our chest! We are walking across the parking lot to our vehicle when my roommate whispers to me, “don’t get in the car, don’t get in the car”. At that moment a police officer walks up behind us and looks us dead in the eyes then asks us, “arn’t you two the passengers of the vehicle I just pull over tonight?”. It was this moment that our hearts stopped and so did our breathing.

Like I said, the parking lot was empty when we had arrived. No one inside or outside of the jail had caught on to us. It just so happens that the arresting officer arrived to the jail while we were in the sally port waiting for Brian to be released to us. The arresting officer was just sitting there doing paperwork in his patrol car in the jail parking lot as we walked Brian out of the jail and to our car.

I’m sure you can guess what happened next. Yup, we all got put in jail. About 8am our command actually came and got us. We got back to base and they told me to go home and that they would call me when they needed me and to get my things in order because this was not going to go over well. I did just that and then arrived back at my command 24 hours later and I did not leave for 45 days and then we were deployed again so I never got off base again during that stateside stay.

I was punished to the fullest extent of the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ), the military law. I was a disappointment to many people because of this FU. I felt ashamed and I took my punishment. All the while I was the most famous person at my command. I represented what it was to have your fellow military personnel’s back 100 percent! Everyone heard about this attempt to break Brian out of jail and we were practically celebrities. To this day I can not figure how in the hell I had the stupidity to try and pull this off! I am proud to say that this did not ruin my military carrier and that I did get to serve out my enlistment and be discharged honorably. Needless to say I have never FU this bad ever again in my life! The military absolutely did not condone this behavior but in some sort of way we were looked at as the most loyal friends a person could have. Our entire command had comradery like never before. It was crazy, insane, and stupid. However, like many other stories from my youthful years in the military, it’s funny to look back on and I am grateful to have had the opportunity to serve with my brother in arms. Even if we did FU some times. Like breaking someone out of jail.... for a minute.

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Sauce: https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/k54v5y/tifu_by_breaking_successful_breaking_my_friend/
 

Stybar

Yeah, groupsex seems to be the way to go
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And he would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those damn meddling police officers.
 

Mave

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And he would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those damn meddling police officers.
Somehow the fact that they got caught and became legends makes the story even better imo.
 
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