Enjoy.
A man walks into a bar.
His alcoholism is destroying his family.
A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini.
"A talking gorilla. That's odd," thinks the bartender. "I must be dreaming." He tries to wake himself up.
His eyes open, he's in his bed, his room. He was dreaming. He carefully eyed his wife laying next to him for a small moment. Then he turned away from her and let a silent tear fall because his marriage is in shambles.
A horse walks into a bar and the barman asks "why the long face?"
The horse, unable to understand Human dialect shits on the floor and the local police service is called to remove it from the premises.
Whats big, grey, and can't climb a tree?
A parking lot.
What's worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm?
The holocaust.
Knock knock. Who's there? Dave! Dave, who? Dave breaks down into tears as he realises his grandmothers Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she no longer recognises him.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
Because he was hit by a bus.
I've heard it like this:
Why did Sally fall of the swing?
She didn't have any arms.
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Where did little Suzy go after the explosion?
Everywhere.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist says "I'll have some H2O." The second chemist says "I'll have some H2O too." The bartender sees that there is a possibility for an innocent misunderstanding that could result in death, but delivers them both water because he is a responsible person.
What is green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.
Knock knock.
Whose there?
The police.
The police who?
Ma'am, your husband was found dead.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What's red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
What's white, blue and will kill you if it fell out a tree?
A fridge in a denim jacket.
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
Repeated absences and theft of property.
Why did the pilot crash the plane?
Because the pilot was a loaf of bread
How many Jews can you fit in a car?
About four or five, comfortably. Their religion has no effect on the amount of space they take up.
I like my women like I like my coffee...
Without a penis.
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
A man walks into a bar.
His alcoholism is destroying his family.
A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini.
"A talking gorilla. That's odd," thinks the bartender. "I must be dreaming." He tries to wake himself up.
His eyes open, he's in his bed, his room. He was dreaming. He carefully eyed his wife laying next to him for a small moment. Then he turned away from her and let a silent tear fall because his marriage is in shambles.
A horse walks into a bar and the barman asks "why the long face?"
The horse, unable to understand Human dialect shits on the floor and the local police service is called to remove it from the premises.
Whats big, grey, and can't climb a tree?
A parking lot.
What's worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm?
The holocaust.
Knock knock. Who's there? Dave! Dave, who? Dave breaks down into tears as he realises his grandmothers Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she no longer recognises him.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
Because he was hit by a bus.
I've heard it like this:
Why did Sally fall of the swing?
She didn't have any arms.
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Where did little Suzy go after the explosion?
Everywhere.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist says "I'll have some H2O." The second chemist says "I'll have some H2O too." The bartender sees that there is a possibility for an innocent misunderstanding that could result in death, but delivers them both water because he is a responsible person.
What is green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.
Knock knock.
Whose there?
The police.
The police who?
Ma'am, your husband was found dead.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What's red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
What's white, blue and will kill you if it fell out a tree?
A fridge in a denim jacket.
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
Repeated absences and theft of property.
Why did the pilot crash the plane?
Because the pilot was a loaf of bread
How many Jews can you fit in a car?
About four or five, comfortably. Their religion has no effect on the amount of space they take up.
I like my women like I like my coffee...
Without a penis.
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
