You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: This is the police.
You: We have detected illegally obtained content on your computer.
Stranger: asl?
You: Specifically, multiple '.mp3' files obtained via p2p connections.
You: An officer will be showing at your door momentarily.
You: Please do not attempt to leave the premises.
You: Thank you for your cooperation.
You: You will now be directed to Customer Service.
You: Hello, how may I help you today?
Stranger: lol thats a laugh
You: Excuse me?
Stranger: i am 13
You: Is there anything you need clarification on, sir?
Stranger: from mexico
You: That is okay, it means you will not be tried as an adult.
You: I am not aware of your personal details, sir, i am simply a representative.
Stranger: okey
You: Is there anything you would like clarification on, sir?
Stranger: yes
You: Could you please specify what you would like me to expand on, sir?
Stranger: am i getting arested
You: I cannot say for certain as I do not know the laws in your country. You will probably simply be given a fine.
Stranger: i am 13
You: I am not sure of the laws in your country, sir, but your age may mean that the fine may be sacrificially reduced.
Stranger: i am not even old enuf to jerk off yet
You: I would not know, sir. It would probably only be a fine. Equv. to a fine written for speeding, for example. Your .mp3 files which where illegally obtained may also be destroyed.
Stranger: mp3 i dont have
You: Have you ever downloaded .mp3 (music) files onto your computer?
Stranger: no i dont know how
You: Does anyone else have access to the computer you are using?
Stranger: nope
You: This may simply be a false alarm, then. An officer will be knocking on your door within the next few days to verify the situation anyway.
Stranger: no please dont
You: If there are no illegal files on your computer, you will be fine.
Stranger: k
You: Have a good day, sir.
Stranger: wait
You: Okay.
Stranger: i need to ask u qustians
You: Okay, that's what I'm here for.
Stranger: k
Stranger: u cant send a officer please
Stranger: i begge you
You: Why do you not want an officer to verify your innocence?
Stranger: they can but they cant go to my door
You: Okay... we'll let you off because of your age. We will not send an officer out.
Stranger: k
Stranger: how old are you
You: I am 23 years old sir.
Stranger: why you on here sir
You: My company pays me to represent them and ensure that the people we contact understand the situation they are in clearly.
Stranger: can i join it
You: Sometimes we get much more serious offences, such as child pornography.
You: Yes, when you are old enough you can apply to the Police force.
Stranger: whats child ponography
You: Child pornography is pornographic (sexual) images of children under the age of 18.
Stranger: sick
You: There are some sick people out there, I know.
Stranger: how not juust arrest them
You: We do the best we can, but our company operates simply by contacting the local police force when we obtain the information and they carry out the investigation.
Stranger: how do i aplay for police force
You: You will understand how to apply for the police force when you are older. I am not sure on your country's specific standards, but generally you cannot apply until you are around the age of 19.
Stranger: ok
You: Have a great day, sir.
You have disconnected.
