Thief Steals Church Computer, Calls Church's Security Company So He Can Watch Porn
It's been several weeks, so it must be time for another story of another dumb criminal. Past iterations have included murder-conspiring butt-dialers, bank robbers bragging on YouTube, and criminals taunting law enforcement on social media. However, what has been lacking in all of these stories is the real central component of the internet, that which makes it tick: porn.
We can now rectify that omission, thanks to a God-fearing parishioner from Oklahoma who stole a computer from his church and was perhaps as surprised as he was frustrated when he couldn't watch some good old-fashioned meat-pounding on it.
An Oklahoma church employee called in a theft to cops, saying whoever stole a computer from the establishment probably attended the church or was familiar with it, because there were no signs of a break-in. He was right, but the suspect wasn't caught while say, Googling during services. A company that had monitoring software on the computer alerted the church that someone kept trying to look up pornography on the missing computer.
Stealing a church computer to watch pornography? It's almost enough to make one believe all is lost with the world. But never fear, this episode ends in a much more stupid fashion than suggested above. The church had a contract with an IT security firm, which monitored use of the machine and blocked inappropriate websites. Still, simply knowing what kind of porn someone is into isn't enough to identify them (thankfully), so police weren't able to do much with the information.
Fortunately, our idiot thief was feeling as helpful as he was horny.
Police couldn't really make a bust until said suspect contacted the software company itself, asking it to take down the monitoring software, ostensibly because he didn't want anyone watching while he surfed for porn. Police arrested the man, saying he denied taking the computer despite the fact that it was allegedly found in his home, but that he later confessed.
Here's a tip for all you cathedral criminals out there: wiping a computer back to factory settings is way easier than explaining exactly how stupid you'd have to be to call the IT security company whose software is on the computer you stole just so you could wank off to material you could probably just as easily get on your phone.
Source: http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20130808/12292424111/thief-steals-church-computer-calls-churchs-security-company-so-he-can-watch-porn.shtml
It's been several weeks, so it must be time for another story of another dumb criminal. Past iterations have included murder-conspiring butt-dialers, bank robbers bragging on YouTube, and criminals taunting law enforcement on social media. However, what has been lacking in all of these stories is the real central component of the internet, that which makes it tick: porn.
We can now rectify that omission, thanks to a God-fearing parishioner from Oklahoma who stole a computer from his church and was perhaps as surprised as he was frustrated when he couldn't watch some good old-fashioned meat-pounding on it.
An Oklahoma church employee called in a theft to cops, saying whoever stole a computer from the establishment probably attended the church or was familiar with it, because there were no signs of a break-in. He was right, but the suspect wasn't caught while say, Googling during services. A company that had monitoring software on the computer alerted the church that someone kept trying to look up pornography on the missing computer.
Stealing a church computer to watch pornography? It's almost enough to make one believe all is lost with the world. But never fear, this episode ends in a much more stupid fashion than suggested above. The church had a contract with an IT security firm, which monitored use of the machine and blocked inappropriate websites. Still, simply knowing what kind of porn someone is into isn't enough to identify them (thankfully), so police weren't able to do much with the information.
Fortunately, our idiot thief was feeling as helpful as he was horny.
Police couldn't really make a bust until said suspect contacted the software company itself, asking it to take down the monitoring software, ostensibly because he didn't want anyone watching while he surfed for porn. Police arrested the man, saying he denied taking the computer despite the fact that it was allegedly found in his home, but that he later confessed.
Here's a tip for all you cathedral criminals out there: wiping a computer back to factory settings is way easier than explaining exactly how stupid you'd have to be to call the IT security company whose software is on the computer you stole just so you could wank off to material you could probably just as easily get on your phone.
Source: http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20130808/12292424111/thief-steals-church-computer-calls-churchs-security-company-so-he-can-watch-porn.shtml